Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
