i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
