He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
