SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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