this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
