You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
