I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
