I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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