Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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