got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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