All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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