Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
