What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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