im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
