WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
