It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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