I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
