He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This baby is an asshole
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
