Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
