he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
