But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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