I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
