does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
