When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i came on her dog
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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