I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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