my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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