I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you inspire me to be a worse person
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
