Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
