Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
