like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
