The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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