How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
