3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
