Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
