That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
