i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
