It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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