Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
