So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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