i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Every concussion has its silver lining
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
