You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
