Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
