My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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