too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
