alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
