i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
