smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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