Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
