you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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