So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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