Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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