I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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