Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
